porn star part 4 (500 dollars)

this post is part of a series which started here.

i heard screaming coming from marie's room, and made my way down the hall way.
"f*** you! you a* hole!!"i could hear her yelling from outside her door, so i knocked on the door.
she opened the door, she had the pink barbie phone to her ear. i could hear a man's voice yelling at her on the other end.
"fine! whatever! f*ing jerk" she threw the phone across the room.
"what was that about?" i went over to the broken phone to see if i could piece it back together.
"F*ing men, they are all jerks." she opened up her desk drawer pulled out another phone, and began to plug it in to the wall.
"who was that?" i gave up on fixing the phone, and sat down on her big pink bean bag chair.
"it was my boss, the web site guy, he's such an a**"
"what did he need?"
"he's docking my pay, because i missed a f*ing chat the other night" she was pacing back and forth across the room.
"how much?"
"100 bucks" she stopped and sat down at her computer.
"that really sucks.... what do you normally make?" i looked at her, and in all of the time i had known her, had never asked how much she made.
"500 damn dollars" she spun around and and stared at me.
"for one chat? that's a lot." i didn't know what else to say, and i didn't know if that was good money, as much as we talked, we didn't talk much about what she did, because she was much more than that to me.
"no, that's for a month" she slid off the chair and sat on the floor.
"you get paid 500 dollars a month?" i had never raised my voice around her, but this time, i was angry. i didn't even know what i was angry at. she was selling her body for 500 dollars a month, men were taking advantage of a young 19 year old girl, they didn't know anything about.
"yeah, it's a job natala" she looked down at the ground.
"you could make that at mcdonalds." i just sat there, and there was silence for a few moments before she spoke up again.
"yeah, but i hate smelling like burgers." she smiled at me and stood up, and offered me her hand so i could get up.
"let's go somewhere, ok? this is a drag." she went to put her shoes on.
"i don't get it marie," i wasn't satisfied that the conversation was going to end, i didn't understand why she was doing what she was doing.
"look, nat, we all do we what we have to you know? and f*** i get paybacks, you know, that you don't get for working at mcdonalds" she sat down on her bed and continued to put her shoes on.
"like what?"
"nat, drugs, do you know how much the f*ing stuff is? and my guy, he hooks me up, yeah it's not a f*ing great life, but it gets me by, it's cheaper than if i had to buy the stuff."
she stopped and laid back in her bed.
"don't worry about me, ok? i'm fine, it was a bad day, most days aren't so bad. seriously, what's the big deal? "
"what's the big deal? i don't know marie, i just don't understand it all, you are beautiful, and smart... " she cut me off...
"and who gives a damn? seriously nat, it doesn't matter, i provide a service to some lonely men, pastors, professors, policeman, whoever, they get what they want, i get my money, some of them send me stuff for favors, it's not personal, it's just business, i keep quiet, stay out of there lives and they love me for it." she put her arm around me, and rested her head on my shoulder.
"you are the only real person i know nat, i know it doesn't make sense to you, but it's really not a big deal, it's just what i do, one day i won't have to do it anymore, one day i'll graduate, get a real job, and drop all of this, i promise."
"ok" i looked down at her, i didn't know how else to respond. i knew nothing i said was going to make a difference to her, i just knew that i could just love her, be friends, the best way i knew how....
"besides, everyone has thier things that no one else understands." she looked up at me, and then started to put on her other shoe.
"i guess so" i replied
"i mean you've got things you aren't proud of, f* it, with the amount of preachers i've been with, i know no one is as good as they want you to think."
she was right, i had enough struggles of my own, i had enough stuff that i was ashamed of, and i guess really in the end, marie and i weren't so different.

continue reading part 5